So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
