i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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