ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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