a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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