Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
