I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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