If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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