ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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