I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
