I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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