All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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