i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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