Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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