I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
