I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
