The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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