I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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