Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
