my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
