WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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