The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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