god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
