Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think my tv is drunk
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
