hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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