Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
