can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
