I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
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