No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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