I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
