you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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