What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
