New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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