apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think people are normalizing furries
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
