i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
