my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
