Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
