Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
