i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
