i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
