I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
