My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
