What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
