I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
