let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't want my vagina anymore.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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