I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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