There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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