yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize