So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
