you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
