When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
