youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize