We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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