So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
