shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
