The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
