I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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