And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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