Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We need to get me chipped asap
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
