im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
