I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
