My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
should my penis look like a turkey
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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