awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
