Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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