she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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