I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
