I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
