someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
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I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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