Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We have so much sex to catch up on
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
