I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
