Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Randomize
