he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
