No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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