what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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