Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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