The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
