You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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